Kingmaker

Games 14 and 15, Or Shit Gets Real

Red sighs, leaning against one of the few railings that remained on his tower. Another boring day on watch duty. Of course, they’re all boring days, save for the one when those fools tried to fight their way through the zombies. At the time he had been struck with terror by the mysterious weapon the gnome had used to take out one of the other guards, but thinking about it in retrospect Red couldn’t help but smirk to himself. That group had turned tail and fled, no match for the might of the Stag Lord and his excellent crew.
Suddenly, the roar of hooves- horses in full charge- disturbs him from his self-congratulatory day-dreaming.
“Holy shit!” Red shouts, “We’re being attacked!”
As always, Falgrim is cool and composed. He shouts down an order to Crab and Dirty Jeb to close the gate. The pair begin to close the mighty wooden doors but are shocked when two steeds thunder in through the shrinking gap. Before Dirty Jeb has a chance to register any of what’s just happened he finds himself deafened by a boom and struck from behind. Crab sees that his colleague has inexplicably been hit by a ricocheting… bomb? From a gleefully giggling kobold? Who’s mounted with another of his kind on the back of an armored war horse? With a knight? The situation is too surreal too be believed, and that’s even before he sees that the other horse is driven by an elven woman whose dark hair moves about her seemingly on its own accord, like a fearsome tentacled beast.
Crab is able to mutter, “Oh, fu-” before the words are kicked out of his mouth by a well placed hoof to the face. Bill, the ably trained warhorse knocks the man unconscious, but Melvin knows that the fight has only just begun. This will require all of his strength, but also all of his diplomatic skills. If he can convince the kobolds to lend a hand then surely he can challenge one of the Stag Lord’s men to turn on the vile bandit lord!
As he schemes, Zot, Miracelli, and two more of their kobold friends find themselves trapped on the other side of the gate, separated from the rest of their party.
Rather than attempt to climb the gate, as Miraceli does, Zot decides he hasn’t done anything insane and/or awesome in the last few days, so he urges Mr. Pilkington into a full run and then a mighty leap. At the apex of Pilkies’ jump Zot launches himself from the saddle and grabs hold of the top of the gate with his small but strong hands. The kobold who had been riding with Zot falls backward off Pilkies then sits up, rubbing his head in confusion.
Meanwhile, inside the fort, more bandits are visible within what appear to be some rather shoddy and smelly living quarters. An obese and clearly asthmatic man huffs as he runs toward the commotion at the gate, but doesn’t make it far. Stinktooth the kobold has more dynamite in his bag and is as eager to use it as his opponent, Fat Norry, is eager to get back to eating his pie. Of course that pie winds up going unfinished. With a squeal of glee Stinktooth lights and hurls the dynamite at Fat Norry.
“Yaaaay! Big boom kill big man!” Stinktooth shouts as Fat Norry falls to the ground.
Another man, Jex, is just visible within the living quarters. Melvin spurs Bill to charge at Jex, but Bill does more than that. After charging Bill kicks the bandit in the face, knocking him unconscious.
A middle-aged man with well-kept facial hair leans out of a doorway in the rear of the compound. Clearly one of the Stag Lords three lieutenants, he barks orders at more bandits behind him. These new additions to the fight aim their crossbows at Melvin but with poor results. One misses entirely and the other’s arrow glances harmlessly off of Melvin’s horned helmet.
The ever nimble Zot leaps from his precarious position on the gate to the guard tower occupied by Falgrim. The impassive bearded man drops his crossbow and unsheathes his sword, but Zot is too quick for Falgrim’s blow and rolls out of the way.
Back at the gate, Dirty Jeb has also unsheathed his sword and slashed Gar-Gar across the chest. Though the damage is clearly severe, Gar-Gar insists that, “It not hurt so much,” and continues to fight. Red takes aim at the little kobold but his nerves are still rattled from the initial shock of the attack and he misses his target.
Ravena raises two of her long, thin fingers, mutters something under her breath and dazes Dirty Jeb. His momentary confusion is enough to allow two of the kobolds to open the gate, letting the rest of the party in.
Dirty Jeb, already dazed, is given no chance to recover, as Miracelli and Gar-Gar both stab him.
Back in the filthy living quarters a young bandit with long, black hair smirks to himself. He reaches to his left, giving Ravena and Melvin a look that clearly says, “You are so fucked now.” With a rough grinding sound a metal grate opens, releasing Beaky, the owlbear.
“Well that explains the smell,” Ravena mutters.
With Beaky uncaged the raven-haired man, Dovan, runs toward an adjacent dilapidated room.
At this point each of our heroes is fighting on a different front. Stinktooth glances around, trying to determine what to do. He asks his idol, Melvin, who instructs him to do reconnaissance in the crumbling room Dovan had just run into.
Zot is knocked from the watchtower. Once he regains his breath he dusts himself off and enters the doorway behind Stinktooth. The ceiling above the pair shudders with footsteps that threaten to break the fragile wood. Two other kobolds join them in time to see a grotesque, ogre-like man descend the staircase. This is Auchs, who is both stronger and dumber than any of the stones that litter the floor of the room.
The first one to take a swing at Auchs is Sub-sup. The kobold damages the thick skin slightly, but Auchs raises his massive club and crushes Sub-sup into a bloody, squishy puddle of lizard-man.
“What you doing?” Auchs asks as one of Zot’s bullets strikes his flesh.
“It’s a game!” Zot replies, “It’s called ‘catch the shiny metal pellet!’ You’re winning!”
Auchs is clearly baffled, but he wouldn’t describe it that way because those words are far too big for him. Instead his external hard-drive, Dovan, processes them for him.
“Seriously, Auchs,” Dovan says, rubbing his forehead, “Just kill everything.”
Amidst all this confusion, a voice booms out from the room in the back of the compound. This can only be the Stag Lord himself. His rage terrifies his own recruits, who go running around the side of the building so as not to incur the Lord’s wrath. Now, one man stands between the fearsome but unseen voice and our heroes. It’s Akiros, the man who had ordered the two bandits with crossbows to attack Melvin before. Akiros fires his own bow at Melvin but misses.
“Come now,” Melvin shouts, “Renounce the Stag Lord and join us!”
Akiros looks confused for a moment but shakes his head as if dismissing an undesired thought then fires on Melvin again.
Meanwhile, the melee continues in the rest of the compound. Auchs kills another kobold, this time the noble Digger, with his club. Red and Falgrim rain arrows down upon those beneath them. The owlbear inches closer to Ravena. Amidst all this the Stag Lord finally shows himself. He emerges from the building behind Akiros. His scarred, tattooed body is less alarming his head. They had always known that he seemed to have the head of a stag, but upon closer inspection it’s obvious that the skull and antlers are a helm being worn by a man.
“What are you doing here?” The Stag Lord demands.
“Putting an end to your evil!” Melvin replies.
The Stag Lord grunts, unimpressed, and plants an arrow in Ravena’s shoulder. She falters, but does not fall.
Click-clack has no such luck. In a charge against Auchs the kobold stumbles and loses hold of his own spear, which Auchs stabs him with. Gar-gar avenges his friend with a spear in Auchs’ side, but that’s not enough to bring the brute down.
While Auchs wails on the kobolds his “brain”, Dovan, feels the sting of Miracelli’s rapier.
“Is that…?” Dovan asks with a smirk, “Poison? Wait, I know you!”
“No you don’t!” Miracelli responds, attacking him again.
“There are only so many pretty ladies in the poisoner’s guild,” Dovan says as he rubs a foul smelling cloth on his own blade. “Tis a pity.”
Miracelli has no interest in roguish reunions. Whoever Dovan is matters not when he’s on the receiving end of her sword. The two begin to dual in earnest, and through Miracelli is able to match him blow-for-blow his sword punctures her defenses and sends her reeling. For a moment she seemed close to death, but Stinktooth reached into his bag and found a jar of some kind of cream, which he slathered on the half-elf. She immediately felt better and was able to continue fighting the strange dark-haired man.
Back in the living quarters Ravena and Melvin continue to be assailed by the owlbear. Bill, despite his failing health, is able to kick Beaky in the face. Melvin finishes the job, slaying the beast, but as he does the Stag Lord charges.
“Join us!” Melvin shouts to Akiros, “End this man’s terror!”
Ravena tells Melvin he’s daft to try, but Akiros furrows his brow as if genuinely considering desertion. Finally, he raises his bow, taking aim at Melvin… but then slowly, consciously, shifts his aim to the right.
Akiros shoots the Stag Lord squarely in the back.
The Stag Lord wails, as much from the betrayal as the pain. He whirls around and takes aim at his former lieutenant, but the arrow merely grazes Akiros, whose mind is clearly made up: he will help our heroes take down his former boss, whatever the cost.
The Stag Lord runs for the dilapidated room where Zot has just brought Auchs down. The Stag Lord charges up the stairs, followed closely by Melvin.
Meanwhile, another bandit has taken aim at Ravena. His arrow strikes true and she crumbles to the ground, unconscious, hemorrhaging and at the brink of death. Her friends have just used the last of their healing potions and things look hopeless, not just for the half-elf but for the group as a whole. Without her healing spells the injured bunch may not be able to fight through the remaining bandits and ultimately kill the Stag Lord. They knew there was a risk of fatalities when they embarked upon this quest. Already kobold blood soaks the ground, but Ravena will be the first of the original group to ascend to the realm of The Lady of Graves, Pharasma. Images of the goddess swirl through her mind, accompanied by images of the life she had lived and the coaxing voice of her patron.
Slowly, another voice comes to her. A male voice, telling her to awake. A potion burns its way down her unwilling throat, causing her to cough. As she sputters up blood she feels someone lifting her head. She opens her eyes to see Akiros, whose potion seems to have healed her more than any potion could be expected to.
“My hero…” She mutters.
“Milady.” He replies.
But there’s no time for her to reflect on it any further. The fight has moved upstairs to where the Stag Lord is making his final stand in a tower with a few of his trusty bandits. Zot pulls out his grappling hook and uses it to climb right into the thick of things. Gar-gar kills Sillias, but Zot’s fight goes less well. As Miracelli struggles to climb the rope up to the battle, Zot is knocked unconscious on the edge of the roof. Ravena knows that she’ll never reach the gnome in time, but as her rage flares her hair grows, reaching twice its normal length to touch Zot and bring him back from the darkness.
Falgrim is knocked unconscious and tumbles off the roof and onto the ground.
The bandits make their last stand, assailed by Miracelli, Melvin, Zot, Ravena, Akiros, and the two surviving kobolds, Gar-gar and Stinktooth. Even the Stag Lord himself is no match for their combined strength. After being shot, stabbed, and hit with spells he collapses. Filled with rage, Akiros stabs the Stag Lord’s body one more time- the bandit king will not be recovering.
Soaked in blood and panting from the exertion, the group exchanges looks. They’ve really done it. The Stag Lord is no more.
“I wonder what’s under his helmet,” Miracelli muses.
“I don’t care! I want it!” Zot replies.
“It’s probably full of evil magic.” Miracelli replies, “Don’t even think about it.”
Melvin is already lifting the helm off. Underneath is a bloated, scarred, hideous face. Akiros spits on it, for good measure.
Zot grabs the helm and places it on his head. Though it’s way too big, it suddenly seems to fit him just right. Though Miracelli is still telling him to take it off because who knows what kind of magic is within, Zot feels that the helm is not evil. It’s embued with the power of Aristil.
Miracelli begins to engage in her favorite hobby, looting, while the others collect themselves. It’s late and the suggestion is made that they camp within the compound overnight.
“Probably not wise,” Akiros tells them, “There remain a few loose ends. There’s a old man in the basement who is best left alone until tomorrow. I recommend that we camp outside these walls.”
And so they do. A fire is struck and wounds are rinsed.
“Why did you help us?” Ravena asks Akiros, “I mean, other than the fact that Melvin’s very convincing.”
“Actually,” Akiros replies, “I had grown disillusioned with the organization- if you can even call it that.” He recounts how he had come to be one of the Stag Lord’s most trusted lieutenants. Once, long before he had begun wandering the Stolen Lands, he had been a paladin who had the misfortune of falling in love with a married woman. Things went sour and she accused him of raping her. In a fit of anger he killed his former lover and was forced to go on the run.
“That’s um, kind of horrible…” Ravena begins, but Zot cuts her off.
“Hey, guess what?” The gnome asks.
“What?” The others reply warily.
“WE ARE BITCHIN’ AWESOME IS WHAT!”

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Game 13, or Zombies? Seriously?

Our heroes capture and question the three bandits then decide to sneak up on the fortress from the side and try to draw the guards out. This plan fails because HOLY SHIT ZOMBIES! For each wave of zombies the group kills another takes its place. Zot is amazing and jumps on a rock from where he gets a good clean shot off on a guard named Cragger. The man falls to his death, which terrifies another guard, whose name is Red. Another man in the fort, Falgrim, is yelling at him.

The group realizes that this is completely crazy and runs away. They’ll take their bandits to Oleg’s and regroup from there.

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Game 12 Or Indecision

The hunters and our heroes are justifiably wary of one another, but after the masterful diplomatic flourish of Mel Vin FINALLY getting out of the trees, each group is able to convince the other that they are not bandits, merely hunters and adventurers, respectively.

They make camp, sharing stories and food with the hunters. The thylacine is so delicious that if it knew how delicious it was it wouldn’t have been saying, “getmeoutgetmeout” to Zot but rather, “may I suggest some wine pairings that really bring out my succulence?” The hunters, Kelvin, Zelda, Alice and Mark, had all previously hunted alone, but the bandit-related danger had forced them to join together. They describe the Stag Lord as a skeezy looking guy with tattoos. There is some debate as to whether he wears a hat or just has a really weird looking head. The hunters think our heroes are on a suicide mission, but give them some fireworks. If you’re gonna die, you might as well do it with fireworks.

In the night Zot spots a thylacine. He and Mel kill it, but they know soon that they’ll have bigger fish to fry. Fish that are actually deer… that are actually a human that looks like a deer. So really not fish at all. But there are fish in the river that they follow south, intending to find the Stag Lord’s fortress somewhere near where the Skunk and Thorn rivers empty into Tuskwater lake.

They spot the fort itself, which is a structure of dilapidated wood. Within it are stone walls and three watch towers. The party camps out to observe the comings and goings of the fort. Nothing particularly interesting happens, save for the occasional hoot of an owl-bear.

The time to take action has come, but the group is even more divided than when they have to agree on toppings for that big, cheesy, round flatbread thing Svetlana makes. Ravena favors peppers on her pizza and trickery in storming the fort. Just as Mel refuses to eat the dish with anything other than disks of spiced meat he also refuses to back down from his plan for entering the fort. He initially suggests further reconisance work, but then suggests contacting the kobolds to raise an army. Miriceli’s plan is similar to Ravena’s but her voice gets lost in the crowd- sort of like how her request for “cheese only” on her pizza gets ignored. As for Zot, he’s cool with people getting different toppings on different parts of the pie- when he’s hungry and knows what he wants he doesn’t take kindly to anything coming between him and the goal. He favors aspects of the Ravena/Miriceli angle. In their eyes the bandits coming down the path at that very moment are an integral part of the plan. Also, killing unrepentant bandits is part of their job description.

The time for indecision is over. The pizza is ready. The toppings may not be what everyone had in mind, and everyone may get the metaphorical shits from it later, but eating it will leave them full and ready to move forward.

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Game 11, Or The Priest's Redemption (Still no Stag Lord)

The day dawns with one thing on Mel Vin’s mind: Destroying the Stag Lord. This mysterious figure is the chief thing standing between our heroes and their prime directive from Restov: Create a kingdom in this chaotic land of bandits and monsters. Everything takes a backseat to this imperative, even the vision of Jhod Kavken, an excommunicated priest of Eristil. Jhod saw Mel, the abandoned temple, and the fearsome bear-priest in what could only be a message from his god. The elder sought passage to the sacred spot, though Mel Vin was impatient to slay the Stag Lord. Miriceli and Zot were willing to accompany Jhod… for a price. This is understandable given that Zot’s profession is as a paid guide and Miriceli’s profession is treasure. Similarly, Ravena’s profession is brooding, avoiding people, and talking to spiders. And yet she finds herself increasingly taking on the role that she would have been raised for- the role that she eschewed- that of an Orlovsky-style diplomat. As such she sees Jhod as a possibly strong future ally and insists that the group help him. Still, she can’t resist harassing the rest of the group, planting the seed in Jhod’s head that Miriceli should soon be made Mrs. Vin.

The trek to Eristil’s sanctuary is relatively without incident, and once there Jhod shows his power by blessing their weapons and more impressively making piles of poop vanish. He also promises the group free holy services for life, which is valuable in a land where such things are expensive.

With this completed they proceed to where they believe the Stag Lord is. The river grows wider and rougher and they barely make it across a rotting bridge. Instead of the Stag Lord the group finds nothing of interest save for an abandoned camp site. Miricelli rummages around and finds an impressive two copper and a squirrel carcass. It’s not even a good squirrel. That night Mel spots a hungry wolf sneaking up to the camp but averts a crisis by throwing two of his rations at the wretched beast.

Another day passes with no Stag Lord in sight, though our heroes find a patch of fangberries surrounded by spider webs. Ravena doesn’t want to kill any spiders and so tries to pluck the berries with her hair. She hardly makes a dent in the number of berries they were supposed to bring back to Boken, and even “Stella” agrees that it’s not worth it given that he’s probably already forgotten his instructions to them.

Later they find a clearing in the Miricelli/Mikmik Marches where a thylacine has fallen into a hunter’s pit. We hide hoping to catch the hunters who laid the trap. The hunters appear but the group decides that they are not bandits but rather legitimate hunters.

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Game 10

After hot springs, explored northern plains. Found a barbarian burial spot. Choose to let the dead rest. Back into forest, found a statue of Erastil. Found old ruins, a boggard lived there with his pet slurk. His name was Garuum and he was pretty nice since everyone was peaceful. Found Tuskgutter, killed him, brought his carcass back to Oleg’s. Oleg rewarded you with masterwork bow and +1 arrows.

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Game 9, or No Rest for the Awesome

After several days of hard adventuring, Ravena fell ill. Skitter suggested she take a swig from the small flask of strange green liquor she had been carrying around. Ravena realized that the Stag Lord must have a Skitter-like level of alcohol tolerance, as she promptly found herself wasted beyond belief.

The next morning she realized she had forgotten much of the events of the prior days. It was all a blur. What had happened? In bits and pieces it came to her: There had been an elf- a dirty, slightly doughy female elf- somehow attractive in a way that made Ravena feel a bit funny. Ravena even found herself purchasing a fatty squirrel that she had no intention of eating just to further the conversation between the two of them.

After that… they had treked… and camped? Yes, during her watch she remembered seeing something red… or blue? Or blue and red? It didn’t matter, the light was suddenly blinding and white and left her dazed. She patted her hair and found the her new wand missing. Her swearing roused her companions, who found items missing from their packs as well. After that all Ravena was sure of was that Zot did some awesome flipping, flying moves in the trees, which impressed the thieves enough to show themselves. Finally the group had found themselves face to face with the Poo Fairies. One was a grig named Tyq-Titter-Tut and the other was a fairy dragon named Pervilash. They returned the stolen items, saying they had “found” them for us. Zot played along with their game, which Ravena vaguely remembered went against Miricelli’s sensibilities.

Sufficiently buttered up the fairies told the adventurers many useful things. What had they been…?
A hunter had been killed. For being a dick in his random use of bear traps.
And hot springs.
And a wurm by a river to the southeast.
Something about a bear in a temple. Oh, right, that’s important!

The temple was to Erastil and Mel Vin was bugged by Ravena for being more worked up about Miricelli wanting to take a dip in the sacred pool than he was. Ravena’s just always paranoid about the forces of gods and that which can’t be seen because her experience tells her that their powers are very real. Mel Vin felt this first-hand when they fought a giant bear in the temple and the god granted him power. Somewhere in there the bear hugged Miricelli, but in a bad way. When the bear died he turned into a human and then shriveled up and blew away. He had been turned into a bear for angering Erastil.

After that they were all filthy, so they went to the hot springs. There was much naked splashing but Mel Vin didn’t participate. It turned out he was right to be on guard because a frog ate Zot. Fortunately they fixed that problem.

After that… Ravena couldn’t remember any more. Perhaps nothing else had happened. All she knew was that she had a headache.

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Game 8, Or Death To All Centipedes!

The next three days were strange. Meat was roasted on Mikmik’s funeral pyre, which the Sootscale kobolds consumed as a penitential act but our heroes relished after their feast of raw meat. Ravena found herself very comfortable in the cave, its’ loamy depths fueling her magic as she learned new spells and communed with Skitter. She stayed behind to better commune with her spider while the others ventured forth to explore the surrounding areas.

Finally the day came. They had waited long enough- the giant centipede they had fled from four days prior had to be dealt with. They ventured back to the mite’s tree, where they find the mites working diligently… suspiciously diligently. Gone are the mites playing mouth-jacks with caltrops, replaced by workers crafting weapons.

The adventurers descend into the room where they had last seen the giant centipede. Melvin challenges the centipede, which sounds to the centipede like, “yum, yum, I am delicious.” Despite being delicious the group soundly defeats this embarrassment of nature in a fight where Ravena is strangely useful thanks to the wand of magic missiles they had lifted off of Tartuk. After the fight Melvin decides that the centipede scales would make excellent armor and Ravena saws off the centipede’s whip-like tails to give as an offering to chief Sootscale as a sign of the monster’s death and of their continuing goodwill. They are attacked by mites while dismembering their favorite pet, but our heroes shame all of mitedom by dispatching their attackers so easily.

The day ends with them going back to the Kobolds who sign a peace treaty, though “sign” is kind of a strong term when dealing with a species that is sub-literate. The treaty is literally drawn up with pictures of acceptable and unacceptable behavior and signed with a handprint in blood.

This treaty is met with surprise and delight back at Oleg and Svetlana’s inn, but before the group makes its way back there they explore and then camp for the night. That night the fire goes out multiple times, despite Melvin’s attempts to keep it lit. Poo fairies are suspected, but as is the case with poo fairies none are to be seen. The following morning, as they trudge forward with Svetlana’s cooking and Oleg’s ale on their minds, our heroes stumble upon a gold mine. Miracelli responds as if she was throwing herself into the arms of a lover who has spent the last five years at sea. Zot suggests that they hide the thing for future exploration/exploitation, which Ravena thinks is stupid. Despite the fact that she’s the smartest member of the group she is proven wrong when the others successfully construct a very convincing cover over the vein.

Finally they reach Oleg’s where they restock their supplies and sleep happily on non-kobold sized beds.

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Game 7

Zot and Ravena quickly realize that Miracelli’s warnings against splitting the group were well founded as their meeting with the shaman, Tartuk, goes from bad to worse. He accuses the duo and their erstwhile kobold sidekick, Mikmik, of being cowards. Many thoughts flood our hero’s minds: Why is he purple? Why does he speak common, and so intelligently, in response to Ravena’s Draconic?Is his god, Sharptooth, real? Does he derive power from the statue the group rescued from the mites? But most importantly, will the others be able to come to our rescue as we find ourselves outnumbered by his kobold followers? Ravena is knocked unconscious but fortunately the sound of Zot’s gun is heard by Miracelli back in the great room of the cave. Melvin calls upon the chief to rally the kobolds loyal to him to help drive out the shaman who has kept them in fear for so long. Though the chief fears that they will all be turned yellow by Sharptooth he agrees to help.

As they approach Melvin sees Ravena on the ground and passes off a healing potion to Mikmik to save her. Zot, meanwhile, has taken the position of a threatened hedgehog in a corner, surrounded by Tartuk’s kobolds and terrified by a flaming spectral dragon that only he can see. Tartuk becomes invisible but the group is able to pursue him out a secret passageway in the back of the cave. As this is happening valiant Mikmik is mortally wounded.

Once outside Zot proves his skill by taking down Tartuk and his bird with a few expertly placed shots. They decide to take Tartuk back with them but once they return to the cave and see Mikmik dead a desire for vengeance overtakes them and they allow the chief to finish Tartuk off.

Melvin refuses to accept how very, very dead Mikmik is, which is sweet in its way. They feast in Mikmik’s honor and in celebration that the kobolds are free. They are treated as honored guests, something the Sootscale kobolds have never done for an outsider.

The following morning the group takes stock of its copious treasure and several mysterious items found in the course of the prior day’s epic battles. One interesting item stands out- a well-worn journal they found on Tartuk’s body. It details Tartuk’s life as a rather unpleasant little gnome, his death, his resurrection as a kobold, and the ensuing torment he caused several tribes of kobolds with his magics. The god Sharptooth was merely a construction of his to keep his victims in unquestioning fear.

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Game 6
according to Miracelli

The adventurers continued their adventurous adventure in the mite’s tree. They entered the room with some boss mite and a giant gross tick. Good thing it wasn’t carrying Lyme disease. Mites in the other room came to join the fight when they heard the commotion. The party killed the tick, but Melvin negotiated a truce with the mites, and the fighting stopped…briefly. Miracelli, responsible as always, decided to check out the treasure on the table along with Zot. The mites could not be trusted. They called up their giant centipede Deathgurgle. It quickly became clear to the always brilliant Miracelli that this was a fight they could not win in their current condition, and she reluctantly called for retreat. She grabbed the treasure and the Sharptooth statue and ran for it. Some of her teammates thought she was a coward and was abandoning them. They’re silly. They had to run in order to live. After escaping, the brave adventurers decided to go with Mikmik the kobold back to the kobold town in order to make peace with the kobolds. Kobolds. On the way, Miracelli decided to count the treasure. Zot wanted to help. Miracelli resented the assumption that she could not count and so decided to pocket some. Zot caught her and took the jinglies bag. Now Miracelli was very sad. She proceeded to pout for the rest of the day. Nobody loves Miracelli. Nobody ever has. That’s why she ran away to the wilderness. People and their always being mean to Miracelli. Anyways, everyone expected to have a big celebratory party dinner bonfire, but things were not so simple. The kobold chief dude is pretty nice, but some jerkface shaman has taken control of the kobolds. Raveena and Zot have gone to try their diplomatic nonthreatening skills on the shaman and left Miracelli and Melvin with the chief dude.

Oh no! They’ve split the party! What will happen next? Will they lose all treasure? Is the DM going to kill them? Will anybody ever be nice to Miracelli again? Find out in the next exciting installment!

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Game 5

Dawn finds our adventurers awakening in the comfort of Oleg and Svetlana’s inn. The smell of steak and eggs fills the courtyard and everyone eats heartily. As the day’s journey will lead them to the mite’s tree, Oleg offers Melvin some sunrods.

The party travels south, plowing ahead rather than mapping the surrounding lands. As dusk falls they see the massive old sycamore in the distance. They agree to rest for the night and Melvin digs a small pit for the campfire to ensure they go unnoticed by the tree’s inhabitants. Though Melivin is cautious with the fire, someone… or something… else is not. He awakes in the night, screaming at an ember which has somehow found its way under his sleeping bag. This happens again, and though his companions guess that it might have been caused by what they have come to call “poo fairies” nothing is certain. Zot leaves out a bit of silver in hopes of pacifying the creatures only to be awakened by “Ravena” demanding that he put out more money.

Despite his disturbed sleep Melvin wakes up ready to fight. Miracelli decides to sneak up on the tree, at which point the rest of the group realizes she has a cute butt. She sees bodies but much to her dismay they’ve already been stripped, so she gestures to everyone to come closer. They find the entrance to the tree and a branching hallway within. She tries to sneak up on a pair of mites who are playing jacks- if jacks were caltrops and hands were mouths. The group defeats this pair and Miracelli scouts out the rest of the chamber. They then go the other direction in the entry hallway and find a room occupied by one mite and his three pet centipedes, Sparkles, Sparkles II, and Sparkles III.

They return to the first room and descend the 30 foot shaft in the corner, though Ravena has a great deal of trouble with that. In the room below they battle a group of mites who seem to be torturing some kobolds. After the mites are vanquished Melvin and Ravena nurse the sole surviving kobold back to health. The kobold, Mikmik, tells them that he and the other kobold warriors attacked the tree in hopes of regaining their stolen goods, chief among those a statue honoring their god. Zot remembers seeing a similar statue in another chamber and the adventurers decide to help Mikmik reclaim his deity and, perhaps, win his people’s allegiance and treasure in the process.

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